My Fantasy Football League (One In Which I'm Not Bottom)

The last time I did a Fantasy Football League, I was wet behind the ears at university, had had a total of one boyfriend (Liverpool fan), and WWFC were, ooo, probably about where they are now! It was done through The Times with all the male members of my family, and co-ordinated with military precision by Father, who probably created a complex system of spreadsheets to monitor the amassing of points, as is his wont. We might as well have conducted our league via stone tablets with a currency of groats and some grunting and pointing, given how much more sophisticated the whole shebang is in 2011/12. I have been discovering this having risen to the bait of joining my husband's friends' Private League; I couldn't let an email rather exclusively addressed 'hello chaps' pass on by without a FeverBitchin' response...

So I quickly got myself a team: Tanglefoot Skillz FC (the league has ale-based names)! I'm now wishing I'd spent a leetle more time considering which boys to go with and not on designing a fantastically garish kit (fuschia pink and aquamarine green, YES!), having watched one single Match of the Day so far this season and realised how many erroneous decisions I'd made. Things I have learnt: don't put three defenders from the same team in your line-up; this is STUPID. Don't have TWO Stoke players: this is IDIOTIC. Select strikers who are ALWAYS going to play. Note who is injured and DON'T CHOOSE THEM. I made a solid mid-table start in week 1, and have now sunk like a stone to the bottom of the stinky boys' league AND to the bottom of another mini-league with my bros. For shame!

My perfect league would be one in which I save face and beat all seven of the boys (mostly ardent Arsenal/United/Chelsea supporters) with my Extreme Footy Knowledge and application of tips gleaned from Lee Dixon on MOTD2. But I suspect, unless a miracle happens and Rory Delap's throw-ins take on mythical strength and accuracy (once he actually starts playing), this shall definitely remain a fantasy...

Still, rather me at the bottom of a table than the Beloveds. A nod to Matt at A View From The West Stand for his review of our recent bitch-slap of Leyton Orient, whose miserable start to the season makes me feel much better about Wycombe's DDWL. I particularly like his comparison of Gareth Ainsworth to 'Shameless'' Frank Gallagher. Having a wee look at his most amusing blog in general, I couldn't help myself being tickled by the gratuitous pics of C-list ladies with their breasts out, given that their use was justified by outlandish metaphors, despite usually beating a feminist warpath. Though he has now promised to get some more photos of scrumptious chaps in there now, hurrah!

Two Unfortunates/The Seventy Two article is Guardian Pick of the Week!

I got asked by lovely Football League (none of your glam-bam-spank you Ma'am Premiership nonsense here, only the jumpers/goalposts/meat pies grit and grime of Divisions 2, 3 and 4, old money) bloggers Two Unfortunates and The Seventy Two to write an article for their bumper 2011/12 season preview. The Guardian's football pages chose it as one of their favourite things this week!

I went for a meeting of two of my worlds: contemporary composition and le foot. Catch it here by visiting pages 30/1 and also read my little preview of Wycombe's season on page 63. Wycombe have started in classic humdrum fashion with a 1-1 draw against Scunthorpe, including a sending-off. Curses!