Match of the Day: Beard and Canary Focus

Getting stuck into some MOTDs, which means some early season awards are here!

Team I will be half-heartedly supporting this year: Norwich City, what with the admirably stoic Paul Lambert being an ex-Wycombe manager (2006-8, getting us to a League Cup semi-final replay at Chelsea). Plus, they are a crew of right bruisers yet play in resplendent yellow, and I have a history of cheering on the most lumpish yet fluorescent teams (see Hull City FC, 2009/10)...

Beardwatch: It's all fun and games in the facial hair department this season, with a plethora of fashionable full beards making players look like they spend most of their time drinking flat whites in pop-up coffee shops in Hackney Wick whilst planning their next site-specific sound installation. Kudos all round.

On the other end of the scale is Carlos Teves, whose appearance this week made me laugh so much I both hyperventilated and snorted orange juice through my nose. (Pictured here with cutesome child):

Injury of the Day: Norwich's James Vaughan got an elbow in the face and was left slavering like a character in True Blood. I don't really blame his attempts at fisticuffs with Gabriel Tamas...

Hottie of the Day no. 1: Spurs newbie Scott Parker, possibly not realising that he is rocking a very on-trend vintage look with his side parting, and whom I can imagine as a sort of dashing, clipped-vowelled World War II pilot-type who dabbles in a spot of espionage while on leave, pausing only to kiss fast-talking dames.

Hottie of the Day no. 2 (Inaugural Manager's Award): There's never been much call for this before, but Andres Villas Boas is a) in his early 30s b) bearded and c) nattily besuited, which, to anyone who knows me, is a quite winning combination and makes Andres easily a contender for Belgian gay man's uber-style bible Fantastic Man. His opposite for the day, Steve Bruce, on the other hand, is clearly in training for the lead in 'Shrek: The Musical', poor fellow.

Alan Shearer Nincompoopery of the Day: 'Harry will be glad that the transfer window is now out the window', suggesting some sort of 'Playschool' camerawork gone mad. Simpleton!

Shirtwatch: It's all terribly confusing over on MOTD2, where Colin Murray has this season taken to sporting outright casualwear; I expect to see Gary and co. lounging about in skinny Topman cardies and deck shoes soon enough. Brad Friedel, who brought a touch of transatlantic glamour to Sunday's sofa by looking and sounding a bit like a cross between Metallica's James Hetfield and Kevin Bacon, spoilt it all by wearing a resoundingly AWFUL black ribboned shirt. Andy consequently refused to listen to a single word he said. Attire MATTERS, chaps!